Lucid Dreaming

I think I had a lucid dream, he said
I realized I was dreaming so I worked on how to fly
I fell out of that dream into another one
where I was here in bed, and you and Heather had come home.
I think I had a lucid dream, in that
a nightmarish beligerancy vanished
with hardly any memory, no caustic
bitterness deposited around my mouth
or eyes, no nagging tension at my neck
or eyebrows.  Just a liquid sweet connection
with a languid waker from deep sleep.
who said, yeah, I was just too tired
to think straight.  I’ll listen to you next time.
OK.  I didn’t buy the nightmare.  I held out
for a better dream.  And look! At least
right in this moment, here it is.
©Wendy Mulhern
April 4, 2011



Metaphysical healing

In this poem, my worlds intersect: the spiritual content of my other blog flows into this one, with some of the particular language from the practice of my faith.  I seem to be a slow learner in regard to relations with my son.  I can say that the results of my efforts, to the extent I have succeeded, have been overwhelmingly positive.  I just need to hold to the truth, re-establish it every day, overcome my temptation to do otherwise.  Not easy for me, but infinitely rewarding.
To Eric (who will never read this, at least not till he’s much older)
If I could learn how to eschew
the part in me that finds a fault in you
that feels alarm and strategizes how
to fix it – fix you – thinks you will allow
such intervention – thinks you will admit
you need to change, accept the sense of it
then I could shine a clearer light upon our day.
If I could master this most basic lesson
it would free me from the great transgression
that casts aspersions on the true creation
forgets to hold the primary relation
to see how the Creator’s work is sound.
That fact comes first, and goodness must abound
in all we are.  For that’s the only way
we’ll both be whole: that’s where my thought must stay.
April 3, 2011


Getting over it

I wrote a mournful little litany of things I was sorry for today – for botching a conversation with my son and a paint scraping job in the bathroom; for missing the game night tonight, which I wanted to attend but realized, when we were thick in paint chips and insulation dust at 6:30, that it wasn’t going to happen.  But though it made me appropriately weepy to write it, I wasn’t willing to let it stand.  This pep talk came to my rescue when I broke a fingernail.  Its rhyme and rhythm saved me.
Sorries
My sorries yawn like caverns in clouds across the sky
gray on gray, dark stretching mouths that moan and fly
and gobble joys and happy memories
and fling down rain, and petty miseries
Get over it! For what can it avail
to be caught up in all the things that fail
a missed good bye, a broken fingernail?
It’s your choice if the darkness will prevail.
So I cajole myself, for so I hope to rally
To float beyond the mournful, moping tally
of all the things I did that came to grief
(all three of them!) it is beyond belief
that you would let such trifles win the day
Go write a poem, and let them drift away.
©Wendy Mulhern
April 2, 2011


Time, and time again

Tomorrow begins National Poetry Month, and today I spent some time on poets.org, following links from their Poetry 101 page, looking at their list of poets who have defined the poetic landscape, hungrily pouring input into the cavernous gap of my ignorance. Later, while I was scrubbing the tub, I thought of two sentences: “It was so old, I was surprised to find it true;” and, “It was so true, I was surprised to find it old.”  They reflected a feeling I got while reading the poems – that our sense of literary time is different from our sense of current time, though both are real in their ways.  As a child, I mourned my lack of the landscape of stories, wishing to trade my suburban environment for the woods, the meadows, the villages that I found in books. Now these things are even further from current experience, but they seem to live on in our language of imagery.
Story Time
One part of life moves through the surface day
the texting, facebook, groceries, price of gas
Another part moves half submerged
through caves and pools of leavings from the past
This memory, this story, this impression
from which we make our maps, decide our goals
was formed before today’s brash supercession
erased the landmarks, swept away the trails
The little house, the woods, the town – all gone
The farm, the friendly neighbors, wilderness
The landscapes we imagine can’t be found
within this GPS’d and fractured place
But still we walk these paths, in stories, dreams
Within our inner world their presence gleams.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 31, 2011





The Hope of Close Encounters

Today I went with my friend Carolyn to meet a group from the Street Youth Ministries at her alpaca farm.  Shortly after we arrived, we all went out with carrots to greet the alpaca.  Their caretaker told us that the alpaca were skittish today, because a strong wind had been blowing.  He thought it affected them by roaring in their ears.  In any case, they seemed more reluctant than usual to approach us.  But eventually, some of them did.
Street youth meet Alpaca
They walk within the frames they have created
to hold their fragile sense of who they are
They point and laugh, but show appreciation
for this strange group that watches from afar
who twitch as one, and turn, alert, to scan them
and take in every move they make, all ready
to bolt, or maybe come a little closer
if something should entice them to approach
Each eager hand holds out a carrot
Each one holds out a gift in hope
The stakes almost to high for them to bear it
Alpaca-skittish, each may let it drop:
Will any of these clear-eyed wild ones see
my worthy soul inside and come to me?


©Wendy Mulhern
March 30, 2011



Held in Love

Today I wanted to write a poem about a wonderful feeling that comes to me sometimes, in early morning prayer or just in sudden moments, a feeling of being suspended in Love.  It’s about feeling completely cared for – not weightless but with every part of me supported and nothing strained.  And with ‘every part of me’ including everything I love, all those I care about.  Maybe the poem does better than these words.
Held in Love
Everything I am, and all I’ve tended –
my loves, my children, all their early flights
my own delayed attempts to shine my light
are held forever safe in Love suspended.
I never felt this free; though I pretended
my intellect could take me to a height
where I could chart a course and judge it right,
my dreams still squirmed unsure, over-extended.
But now I feel Love’s grasp on us so sure
each one established in our perfect sphere
all our connections elegant and pure
we never need be anywhere but here.
All that Love ordains for us endures
Love carries us, Love’s way is always clear.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 29, 2011


A bit of frivolity

It was an active day today, and at the end of it, I chose to watch a show with my family instead of writing a poem.  In the interests of togetherness, frivolity is sometimes appropriate.  So in the frivolous mode I set by my actions this evening, I will share my most recent verse about pulling ivy:
The Yard Waste Truck Comes Early Tomorrow Morning
I raked the ground so I could see
where roots and shoots protruded
so all the ivy finally
could truly be uprooted
It isn’t done, the roots remain
their network branches deep
They’ve had some years to make their claim
within the yard waste heap
Year upon year of heaped neglect
I strive to overcome
No more than what one would expect
in maintenance of a home
A basic fact I somehow never grasped
Till tangled up in all I had let lapse.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 27, 2011



Another dance sonnet

I wrote two poems today – well, maybe one of them would be called a verse.  The verse is about pulling ivy (again – yard waste is collected every other week).  The poem is another one about the dance that we often go to on Friday nights.  I wanted to try an Italian form sonnet; the rhyme scheme is more demanding than the Shakespearean style I have used most often.
The constraints of the sonnet are: line length and rhythm (iambic pentameter); number of lines (14); rhyme scheme (Italian: abbaabba for the eight, with the following six related to each other – I’ve seen cdfcdf or, as I did here, cdcdcd).  Plus there’s an intent for the first eight lines to present a scenario and the finishing six to comment and conclude.
I like to let the rhythm vary a bit from the iambic.  I don’t like to turn a sentence inside out for a rhyme.  I don’t say something that’s not true for the sake of a rhyme.  Those are my added constraints.
I find that writing within constraints is interesting.  It sometimes helps bring out the meaning more clearly than writing without them.
I’ll share the sonnet tonight:
Ode to the dance
Stepping softly in between the shafts of sound
the trancing hum of chords reverberating
weft and warp in fabric of relating
threads of touch remembered and rewound
In dancing eyes fresh lines of light are found
a joyful glee of friends appreciating
the playful moves, the games of their creating
the sudden bursts of energy unbound
As music, words, and movement thus are one
so are we one in the reverberation
that still remains when all the music’s done
and we have voiced our final incantation
The web of our connection lightly spun
reprised thus in a quiet exaltation.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 27, 2011



Bouncing back

On March 23rd, I noted in my journal that my poems always tended to be optimistic – that even if they started low, they would bounce up at the end like one of those weighted punch clowns.  I decided that that wasn’t a problem as long as optimism wasn’t one of my constraints – if they were doing that on their own without my forcing them in that direction.  Then, the very next day, I wrote a poem that didn’t bounce up at the end.  What was interesting to me was that I did – bounce up, I mean.  I felt absolutely exhilarated after posting that poem, and did, all day yesterday, as well.  My sense was that the joy came from the success of the poem at capturing a somewhat elusive feeling and thought pattern so exactly.
So I failed to write a poem yesterday.  I realized that perhaps I had to reset the bar, and not try to capture anything particularly profound (after all, I hadn’t tried to before, even when I felt I succeeded).  
Having done so, and turning honestly once again to what’s at hand, I came upon a topic that my husband and I have both been thinking about, in our different ways, of late.  The wondering why we do what we do, the shifting of thought towards a different sphere:
Moving On
In weary sameness once again you slide your tray
past each seductive offering in the display
of nothing that could satisfy the gap within
your plate still empty as you reach the end
So is this why we choose to die – we lack
the bright desire to keep us coming back?
We could go on, but wonder what’s the use
(the reasons, glorious before, now seem obtuse)
Or is there more than what is offered here
a way to focus thought between the things
to listen with a more celestial ear
for strains beyond what the commercials sing?
 – Seek substance in a different kind of sphere
and find the joy that strong connection brings.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 26, 2011


Doing the Math

This poem reflects a feeling that came upon me today several times, and though I managed to beat it back, it insisted on being what I tell about.
I had a bad time with math in high school, but I loved certain parts of it – the beautiful curves and the notion of them being generated from equations.  I would grasp the concepts but fall down in the execution of problems.  The same story may play itself out in other aspects of my life.
Story Problem
Here is a place of feeling lonely
a point of discontinuity
a no man’s land between the asymptotes
X marks the degenerate set
no bounding parabolic curve for me,
 – ever upward, ever steeper –
no perfect circle, no elegant ellipse
no connection to the conic section
Here is a place of feeling lonely
a point of discontinuity
no connection to logic or reality
or the events of the day
Can I fall, thus
down along the asymptotes
ever approaching
never fully touched?


©Wendy Mulhern
March 24, 2011