End of Day

I close my eyes and ask the energy
from my industrious dogged exertion,
like tide returning to come back to me,
restore me in a slow and strong immersion.
In steady march, all of the day’s demands
required my work, persistence and attention;
I powered through them all, and though my hands
grew raw, accomplished my intention.
There was a place of stillness when I felt
a moment’s rest was all that I would need
and though the space of peacefulness was well
my weary head demanded that I heed
the time of tides, that can’t be rushed, must flow
at their own pace, and when they’ve covered me, I’ll know.


©Wendy Mulhern
April 8, 2011



Liquid Mirth

Would you like some liquid mirth?
It glints in the internal sun
It splashes brightly at the simple living sounds
the ringing clink of dishes in the sink
the satisfying clack of cupboards closed
It rushes from the throats of birds
whose spring sound summons lightness
though the sun itself is hidden
Would you like some liquid mirth?
I got it from my son, who played so well
Then we were driving, and he said Don’t!
Don’t make that noise; I chortle; he says don’t
make that one either – it’s weird
But I want to make all the sounds
the clicks, the hums, the burbles
the plocks, the thwings, the brip brip brips
and the warble of my brim-full soul.


©Wendy Mulhern
April 7, 2011



For Love

You had a taste of Truth – it was enough
to waken an insatiable thirst
that made you climb a tree, and beg for more
and walk in circles through the fields and say
“Why did I never know of you before?”
So after that, you made the resolution
to drink that light until it fills you too full
to be contained within confined constraints
 – swell like a seed until the skin splits
and peels away revealing it’s not you
and never was – that what you’ve always been
is something else, made of stars and milk-white
innocence, and open eyes, so you can
break out of all that holds you in this shape
slip out of that old ego like a slim snake
and walk in nameless luminescence.


©Wendy Mulhern
April 6, 2011




A Mom’s Lament

He plays the cello suite

in a wrong tuning
The lowest string not dropped,
 each bass note
a step too high – rude barging 
into an otherwise soothing song
It is a musical joke.
He plays with his eyes closed
shifting inexorably 
towards the horizontal
from which he leveraged himself, 
with great groanings
demagnetized himself, most laboriously, 
from the computer screen
after playing, lying down with his travel guitar, 
a lament about having to rise.
He digresses to trim his fingernails
But I shall have music.  Eventual music.
It is my hope.  It would be a sweet fruit 
of weary repetitious prodding.
I am here to encourage him
to curl into his space among the animals
on the bed.  To occupy it
so it won’t pull him so quickly back.
How is it that this job belongs to me?
Or have I brought it down on my own head?
by too high expectations or by being too low key?
this daily nagging (begging) I have come to dread?


©Wendy Mulhern
April 5, 2011






Lucid Dreaming

I think I had a lucid dream, he said
I realized I was dreaming so I worked on how to fly
I fell out of that dream into another one
where I was here in bed, and you and Heather had come home.
I think I had a lucid dream, in that
a nightmarish beligerancy vanished
with hardly any memory, no caustic
bitterness deposited around my mouth
or eyes, no nagging tension at my neck
or eyebrows.  Just a liquid sweet connection
with a languid waker from deep sleep.
who said, yeah, I was just too tired
to think straight.  I’ll listen to you next time.
OK.  I didn’t buy the nightmare.  I held out
for a better dream.  And look! At least
right in this moment, here it is.
©Wendy Mulhern
April 4, 2011



Metaphysical healing

In this poem, my worlds intersect: the spiritual content of my other blog flows into this one, with some of the particular language from the practice of my faith.  I seem to be a slow learner in regard to relations with my son.  I can say that the results of my efforts, to the extent I have succeeded, have been overwhelmingly positive.  I just need to hold to the truth, re-establish it every day, overcome my temptation to do otherwise.  Not easy for me, but infinitely rewarding.
To Eric (who will never read this, at least not till he’s much older)
If I could learn how to eschew
the part in me that finds a fault in you
that feels alarm and strategizes how
to fix it – fix you – thinks you will allow
such intervention – thinks you will admit
you need to change, accept the sense of it
then I could shine a clearer light upon our day.
If I could master this most basic lesson
it would free me from the great transgression
that casts aspersions on the true creation
forgets to hold the primary relation
to see how the Creator’s work is sound.
That fact comes first, and goodness must abound
in all we are.  For that’s the only way
we’ll both be whole: that’s where my thought must stay.
April 3, 2011


Getting over it

I wrote a mournful little litany of things I was sorry for today – for botching a conversation with my son and a paint scraping job in the bathroom; for missing the game night tonight, which I wanted to attend but realized, when we were thick in paint chips and insulation dust at 6:30, that it wasn’t going to happen.  But though it made me appropriately weepy to write it, I wasn’t willing to let it stand.  This pep talk came to my rescue when I broke a fingernail.  Its rhyme and rhythm saved me.
Sorries
My sorries yawn like caverns in clouds across the sky
gray on gray, dark stretching mouths that moan and fly
and gobble joys and happy memories
and fling down rain, and petty miseries
Get over it! For what can it avail
to be caught up in all the things that fail
a missed good bye, a broken fingernail?
It’s your choice if the darkness will prevail.
So I cajole myself, for so I hope to rally
To float beyond the mournful, moping tally
of all the things I did that came to grief
(all three of them!) it is beyond belief
that you would let such trifles win the day
Go write a poem, and let them drift away.
©Wendy Mulhern
April 2, 2011


Time, and time again

Tomorrow begins National Poetry Month, and today I spent some time on poets.org, following links from their Poetry 101 page, looking at their list of poets who have defined the poetic landscape, hungrily pouring input into the cavernous gap of my ignorance. Later, while I was scrubbing the tub, I thought of two sentences: “It was so old, I was surprised to find it true;” and, “It was so true, I was surprised to find it old.”  They reflected a feeling I got while reading the poems – that our sense of literary time is different from our sense of current time, though both are real in their ways.  As a child, I mourned my lack of the landscape of stories, wishing to trade my suburban environment for the woods, the meadows, the villages that I found in books. Now these things are even further from current experience, but they seem to live on in our language of imagery.
Story Time
One part of life moves through the surface day
the texting, facebook, groceries, price of gas
Another part moves half submerged
through caves and pools of leavings from the past
This memory, this story, this impression
from which we make our maps, decide our goals
was formed before today’s brash supercession
erased the landmarks, swept away the trails
The little house, the woods, the town – all gone
The farm, the friendly neighbors, wilderness
The landscapes we imagine can’t be found
within this GPS’d and fractured place
But still we walk these paths, in stories, dreams
Within our inner world their presence gleams.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 31, 2011





The Hope of Close Encounters

Today I went with my friend Carolyn to meet a group from the Street Youth Ministries at her alpaca farm.  Shortly after we arrived, we all went out with carrots to greet the alpaca.  Their caretaker told us that the alpaca were skittish today, because a strong wind had been blowing.  He thought it affected them by roaring in their ears.  In any case, they seemed more reluctant than usual to approach us.  But eventually, some of them did.
Street youth meet Alpaca
They walk within the frames they have created
to hold their fragile sense of who they are
They point and laugh, but show appreciation
for this strange group that watches from afar
who twitch as one, and turn, alert, to scan them
and take in every move they make, all ready
to bolt, or maybe come a little closer
if something should entice them to approach
Each eager hand holds out a carrot
Each one holds out a gift in hope
The stakes almost to high for them to bear it
Alpaca-skittish, each may let it drop:
Will any of these clear-eyed wild ones see
my worthy soul inside and come to me?


©Wendy Mulhern
March 30, 2011



Held in Love

Today I wanted to write a poem about a wonderful feeling that comes to me sometimes, in early morning prayer or just in sudden moments, a feeling of being suspended in Love.  It’s about feeling completely cared for – not weightless but with every part of me supported and nothing strained.  And with ‘every part of me’ including everything I love, all those I care about.  Maybe the poem does better than these words.
Held in Love
Everything I am, and all I’ve tended –
my loves, my children, all their early flights
my own delayed attempts to shine my light
are held forever safe in Love suspended.
I never felt this free; though I pretended
my intellect could take me to a height
where I could chart a course and judge it right,
my dreams still squirmed unsure, over-extended.
But now I feel Love’s grasp on us so sure
each one established in our perfect sphere
all our connections elegant and pure
we never need be anywhere but here.
All that Love ordains for us endures
Love carries us, Love’s way is always clear.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 29, 2011